I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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