So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
