Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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