my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
