he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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