Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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