Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
