I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
