naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
