I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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