What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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