Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

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(718): View more from New York

Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him

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(210): View more from Texas

After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all

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(705): View more from Ontario

I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.

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(714): View more from California

I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine

(202): View more from Washington, DC

That’s how my thanksgiving went

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