Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
