I love having hate sex.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize