its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
