Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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