I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
