used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
