You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
