True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
