I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
