I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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