i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
