Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
