he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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