So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
