some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
