You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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