I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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