I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
