If i come over, it means nothing
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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