Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
