He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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