I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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