I look better un-naked...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
