So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
