I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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