I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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