On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
