My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
