There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
