It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize