The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize