Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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