The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
