We're like a lot better than the average bears
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
