We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
