Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This baby is an asshole
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
Thereās an entire generation of people out there who didnāt grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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