I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
