Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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