kristin has been a bad kristin
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How does one acquire holy water?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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