24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
