Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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