i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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