Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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