Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
