Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
