Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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