he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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