i permit you to call me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
