Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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