but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
