I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
