Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Someone shit on the floor
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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