Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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