hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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