Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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