i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
