we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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