Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
