Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
